


Julio Richter and Gay Alien Death Machine Teddy Bear

by JoAsakura



Category: X-Factor (Comics)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-24
Updated: 2009-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-05 05:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoAsakura/pseuds/JoAsakura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Current X-Factor canon. One of them makes a wish. To the surprise of all concerned, it comes true. Possibly there are shenanigans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Julio Richter and Gay Alien Death Machine Teddy Bear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Iambic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iambic/gifts).



> Note: yeah, so this isn't 1000 words. Think of it as a stocking stuffer.

'Twas the morning of Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature yet stirred, not even a...

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! AAAAAAH!"

Guido stood in the hallway, fidgeting. On the one hand, Rictor sounded genuinely distressed. On the other? There had been that one time with the shouting in that weird cheese-grater frictive language that Shatterstar and Rictor tended to argue in.

Despite his best efforts, the distressingly sexy tangle of limbs he'd burst in on remained burned in his brain.

But, after the third disconsolate screech, Guido sighed heavily and opened the door.

Rictor was sitting on the bed.

Alone.

Alone and, thankfully, mostly clothed.

And he was clutching what looked to be a rather orange...

Teddy bear.

"Uhm," Guido said, profoundly.

"Guido." Rictor said in a low, haunted voice. "I've done something... Horrible." He held out the bear towards the huge man. "Look. LOOK."

Guido looked. And frowned at what he saw.

It was neither too big, nor too small. Sewn of curly ginger mohair, it had bright button eyes, a shiny black nose, and a star-shaped patch of black velvet over one eye.

"It's a... gay alien death machine teddy bear?" Guido blurted out before he could stop himself. Rictor scowled at him mightily and clutched the bear to his chest.

"Don't listen to him 'Star," he murmured. "Guido's just jealous."

"Ric, you're... like, my bud, right? We're pals, right?" Guido rubbed the bridge of his nose, feeling the uncomfortable stares of their team mates behind him.

"Uhm, Guido?" Darwin started to say before the big man turned and shooed them away. They didn't need to all witness Rictor's holiday meltdown.

"I guess," Rictor pouted, clutching the bear.

"So, ok, don't take this the wrong way, but... what the fuck?"

"Last night, ok? Last night I made one of these crazy Christmas eve wishes. That..." he turned red and glared at nothing in particular. "That 'Star would always be with me and... you know, that he'd never leave again. And then I woke up, and, and... 'Star was gone, and there was THIS!!" He held the bear out at arm's length to look at it critically. "Goddamnit. Stupid Pietro and his stupid terrigen crystals. You KNOW this is some freaky stupid side-effect power!" He shook the bear violently for a second. "Stupid Shatterstar, letting himself get zapped like that!"

"Ric..." Guido inched into the room, still unsure if Rictor was taking a ride on the crazy train.

"Come on Guido. You gotta admit, someone transforming into a teddy bear is not the strangest thing we've ever encountered!" Rictor shouted, burying his face in the bear's plush.

Guido hated so much that Rictor was right.

Darwin poked his head in the door again. "Uhm, Guido?"

Guido shooed him out again.

"Ric." Guido held out his hands soothingly. "Why don'tcha put the ga ... the bear down, and have some waffles, kay? An' we can do the presents an' stuff?"

"He's coming with me." Rictor groused. "You want waffles too, don't you 'Star?" He shook the bear a little more. "TALK TO ME!!!"

Guido sighed. It was going to be a long day.

~~~~

When Shatterstar came back in from clearing the walk to X-Factor's office of snow, his plans to ask Julio how he liked his present were sidelined by Rictor screaming at him and Guido giving him a death glare.

Fekt. He was never going to understand Earth holidays.


End file.
